No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
