i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
