Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
