The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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