Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
