Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
