In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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