I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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