Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
MIDGETS
????
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
