Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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