I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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