I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
