you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
