i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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