Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
