If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
