The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
