I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face