i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
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just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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