Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
