it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.