Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!