No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
