Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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