is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
