a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
