can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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