yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
