Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
