2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
