you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
