my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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