I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
