I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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