just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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