i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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