well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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