Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
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I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
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I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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