just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
