he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
