Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
