Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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