With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
