If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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