I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
