you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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