Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We have so much sex to catch up on
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
