I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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