Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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