I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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