Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
