Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
