isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
