im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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