it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
