sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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