There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
