Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
