WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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