apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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