So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
