So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
