We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
