She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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