I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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